‘Hello’… I miss you!!!

It has been a complete year and a month that I last heard that warm and special ‘hello’ over the phone.

His voice always carried the charm, warmth and happiness whenever I spoke to him over the phone from the time I have been away from home to pave a ‘career path’.

And when in person, I needn’t mention the warm hug that followed.

Today if I crave for something several times in a day is that phone call from home, from Dad.

For 2 years when he was keeping unwell, I remember rushing home every long weekend to be at home, to be with my family and it’s been pretty some time that I last felt like before.

Each time I left home to catch the train back to Kolkata, I used to wake him up to say ‘good bye’ and each time then, he bid me ‘good bye’ with damp eyes and a ‘not-so happy’ smile.

It made me feel like a guilty, every time; to chase a life at such an irrecoverable cost and I succumbed to it so well.

I still recall the Sunday, when I went to see him in the hospital. The first man of my life, whose stature I looked up to, was lying down on metal framed white bed, facing the window outside, helpless & captive.

This time when I confronted him, I confronted him along with his tears. Tears that expressed his helplessness of let his life gradually slip by without his consent & those that told me how badly I was missed.

When all the while I was away paving the ‘career path’ that I owed to him, he so easily explained that his recovery was not with the doctors but with me. Wish I knew why he trusted me so much.

For all the ten days that he was under medical supervision, I could feel how helpless he was feeling.  For every bed that had somebody discharged in person or otherwise, had his hopeful eyes on it.

All that he wanted from me was a ‘good night kiss’ and what he called as ‘good night reiki’. J

Simple request and difficult execution!!!

For the first time in these 2 years, as I was again leaving home to come back to Kolkata, after his discharge, I did not wake him up.

I was somewhere afraid that, if I wake him up I would see his soggy eyes again and I chose the easier way.

Each phone call, that flashed on my phone that read ‘home calling’ was no more a joy thereafter. Sleepless nights and worried mornings were all they could denote to me.

4^th July, at 11.40pm; my phone flashed again. Dad was no more. I had to rush home again but this time to see him in a reformed form.

As I managed to reach my ex- vacation spot, I see the white glass car & so many people in front of my gate.

I see him lying down on the floor in our bedroom, all calm, composed and with a smile of peace. He looked so much alive, may be because he was really alive then.

I touched him to re-confirm and he was hard with a soft skin and a strange coldness. Yes, he was cold to this part of ‘life’ now.

From that day onwards, I wish I hadn’t seen him make a journey in the white glass car.

I wish I could have been there with him to hold his hand when they were warm.

I wish I had taken the effort to wake him up to say ‘good bye’ before leaving for Kolkata.

I wish I could hear that ‘Hello’ again….